he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
tell me about the eggs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
