dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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