i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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