dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
