it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
