Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
