He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
