I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
