If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize