I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
