i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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