Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize