Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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