It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
