I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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