Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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