Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
