I puked a lego.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
