That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
