Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
