just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
