guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
