is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
third nipple confirmed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
