i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
