if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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