i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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