I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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