remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
