This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
