There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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