So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
