i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
