So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
