And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
