you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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