This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
