apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
