Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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