No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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