dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
