yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
