I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
