The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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