Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My dick has a subreddit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
