I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize