just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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