I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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