by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
