That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
