Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
