i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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