That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
