i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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