is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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