Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
