Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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