I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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