Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
