He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
