I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
